• the snow fell in big flakes and turned my hair white. i couldn't get myself to go to class today. i saw the minutes fly by and then it was too late to catch my bus. and then it became too late to drive down, too. i know people will make assumptions here and tell me that I need to take responsibility and that I need to change myself.  but honestly, i'm so overwhelmed. i don't like people looking at me when i'm outside. i don't want them to think about me. i don't want them to know how hard it is for me to put one foot in front of the other because they don't give a fuck. they have their own shit to deal with and, to them, i'm nothing but a pansy who's scared to live her goddamn life. it's easier to hide in my bed with my dog than to worry about things like that. it's easier to smoke weed and feel safe under the covers. the solution is obvious. stop smoking weed, go to class and do my work, become a successful whatever, be happy, etc, etc. 

  my back hurts and my chest hurts and all i want to do is sleep. i'm just so very sad. and i know it's up to me to make myself feel better. believe me, i'm trying, okay? i don't want to feel this way. it's hard to find warmth right now, let alone the way out of this mess. i'll be okay soon. at least, i'll try to be. 

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