• bad timing, indeed
  
  approached you first for comfort
  
  in a time of need
  
  but you offered none
  
  told me you were gone
  
  nattered on about the same two knives who always cut you
  
  
  you seem not to want me unless you can't have me
  
  now i'm here: you disappear
  
  now that i'm free you no longer want me
  
  or never really did
  
  
  i've been calling your name
  
  but i'm weary of games
  
  i don't have the will to keep score anymore
  
  desire must have fled, or it's all in my head
  
  or i no longer feel what you're sending
  
  
  you seem not to care
  
  so tell me why, then,
  
  should i offer my heart to be broken again?
  
  it's on lockdown
  
  for the forseeable future
  
  
  thus rejected, i stopped looking
  
  but something came looking for me
  
  
  
  grief makes people do terrible things
  
  emerging from a fugue state
  
  overwhelming, inundate
  
  
  obviously i've been out of my mind:
  
  still inexcusable, no less unkind

  i'm not vindictive by nature

  but i had a pretty good teacher
  
  
  i knew just what i did
  
  i dared
  
  the worst part is:  i didn't care
  
  although i know i should
  
  and didn't turn away affection offered
  
  though i never would have proffered first
  
  and resisted only weakly
  
  
  pass judgment if you'd like
  
  but first, try being human
  
  live my hell experience
  
  before you judge in spite
  
  and contemplate your own exploits if you'd condemn me privately
  
  
  can't fall off your high horse
  
  if you never take a risk
  
  but that's a jump i just can't see you taking
  
  another leap you won't be making
  
  
  anyone who takes me now
  
  has only my body
  
  and not my heart
  
  that was yours but you tossed it out
  
  now it's no one's
  
  right now it's fit for nothing anyway
  
  
  but my soul belongs to me
  
  and you have no right to condemn it
  
  it's not your place to condemn it
  
  but call me a whore if that makes you feel better
  
  and maybe first you should look in the mirror
  
  

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