• April 26th Last night, was one of the worst nights of my life. To say the least. My mind has changed. Now, the worst feeling in the world, is walking into a hospital room, and seeing a close loved one lying there. Dead. It's something only a strong person can do. My second cousin passed away last night. He has battled cancer over the past thirty years, about 5 times. Last year (around this time) he was diagnosed with cancer, just when we thought he was recovering from the last bit. Everything had been going fine. So the doctor tells us he had 6 weeks left. There was no hope. Which put us in the awkward position thinking "oh my god oh my god oh my god. Whats going to happen with Aunt B? I cant believe this, no no no". Which put mum under lots of stress. So, after a while, AFTER those 6 weeks had passed, he was feeling better. But during the summer he was admitted into the hospital for a few weeks. Because his blood counts/haemoglobin was deathly ill. He had an pneumonia and other viruses. The doctor told us then that he wouldnt survive. But shortly after that, he was released. It took some healing time, but after a while, he was back to his old self. Driving, got his hair back, worked on that truck. He didnt have to go for blood for weeks. But... I guess a week ago, things started to get worse. He couldnt talk,he could barely keep straight. I couldn't go see him, not because I wasnt alowd, but because I just couldnt bare to see him in such pain. So, my cousin Pam took him into the hospital yesterday morning, when he made his decision that he didnt want help. He just wanted to die. So all they gave him was morphine. Thats it. I was on my way to guitar, and I remember that I asked him "Hey dad, are you going to the hospital afterwards?" dad says "Im going to take you home first, then go" I told him I wanted to go. I needed to go. If he was in such bad shape, i needed to see him before anything happened. I didnt care. Because I hadnt seen him for a while. And I felt SO bad. So I was at guitar, everything was fine (or so I know). Dad and I get home, walkin up the stairs, my sister comes out and tells us we NEED to go to the hospital because Roy has passed away. My heart felt like it was in my throat. Beating so fast. I almost fainted. I took my things up, then left. On the way to the hospital, I was just thinking how I felt so bad, and how I didnt even go see him hardly when he was in the hospital in the summer. At one point last night, i was crossing the road, and I didnt even care if I got run over. I just went with it. Thats how I felt. I had wished a car would have just come up and hit me. So we got to the hospital. I hate hospitals. They make it look all pretty. BUT IT'S NOT. THERES PEOPLE DEAD, OR SLOWLY DYING, AND THEY JUST MAKE IT LIKE ITS A PLACE FOR AN EFFIN AUCTION!!! WITH THEIR STUPID PAINTINGS ON THE WALL. Anyway. We got up there, I walked into the room, all dark. Mum and Pam were there, surprisingly my mum was doing better then I thought. I knew they wanted to cry, but they were just cracking jokes. My sister started to cry, and so did I. That was the hardest I've cryed since my grandmother passed away. He was just lying there, dead in the hospital bed. Mum told me I didnt have to go to school today. She didnt go to work, nor did dad. I hate deaths. I HATE THEM. FFFUUUUCCCCKKKK. After we left the hospital, we went over to aunt b's. :'(. She was better then we thought she was going to be when we got there, but when pam came in and hugged her, she went hysterical. I couldnt handle it. I just started to cry even more. She was saying things like "WHAT AM I GOING TO DOOOOOOOOO, I MISS HIM I MISS HIM I MISSS HIMM..." it was so sad. So I went outside and returned Julias call (she called while I was in the hospital). A lot of people were at Aunt B's house with us. Mum, dad, sara and I, grammie, andrea, aunt june, anna, and well... aunt b. So around 11:30 or something, dad, sara and i left for home. Mum and Gram got a drive him with Pam around 12:30. I went to bed. I woke up this morning thinking, I shouldnt feel bad. Because he knows I love him. and now God had just makin us happier by taking him where he isnt in the agonizing pain. He has just moved on. Well this means I have a funeral to go to this week. I'm going to lose it. I know I wont be able to handle it. This all seems so surreal. It's way to hard to believe. I've delt with 4 deaths in the past eight years. Some people may think thats a good thing, like thats not a lot of people, but I don't. I'd rather keep my family, and them be well. sigh. I miss everyone. michelee. mackiee

• No Comments

Log in now to tell us what you think this song means.

Don’t have an account? Create an account with SongMeanings to post comments, submit lyrics, and more. It’s super easy, we promise!