• I woke up early and cleaned my room and now the emptiness of the floor just reminds me I have nothing left to do summer time its supposed to be freedom i think back to last year days in a blaze, television on i didn't do much writing, but i forgave myself then i was in a different place i had just found the world, found myself, found my happiness but i still hadn't found you Now that my life is connected with yours, i feel more responsibility my actions and choices belong to both of us our future, moving forward,so someday it can be perfection and i never have to leave your side its so funny how when i was a kid, that very same word took over my world that's what i wanted more than anything, so that i could disappear now i use that word to exist, to live out loud in rainbow colors, to be in love with you motivation the methoxetimine is helping i am writing because i want a history i want words that won't wander off like memory, that time doesn't wash like sand on the shore i want this state of mind to be permanent being in love, the other half of your heart hidden safely in mine i called our story forever you said to call it perfection maybe, in a way, they mean the same thing jump to my bed last night, night sweats toss and turn, pillow burn, with body heat and bad dreams that don't make sense and aren't me then you call, finally, but in that space of half consciousness i realized something if you were to die, then i would just have to kill myself and then i went back to sleep no one understands those are teenage words, but i need them now "you seem to be living in lala land recently" she meant it as in insult, but i took it as a compliment sorry we figured out how to escape sorry our strange little island is the only place that i feel safe well if you left it up to me, everyday could be a holiday from real... and it is up to me up to us you and me against the world that first week i felt like a superhero sunshine and tires swirling at impossible speeds i was on top of the world and i could see my whole future all those mountains of time with you glistened with this strength and light i can't describe you're my everything, my world entire someone else used to say that to me, but i don't think i ever believed him with the few people who have held on tight, it feels wrong to push his friendship away but dan and me, that's my new life i cant go running to the past because im physically alone when i know in spirit your always by my side summer is a strange time for me it brings up lots of memories in this very room i experienced so much so many words i wrote, so many tears i cried you have to trust in your own beginnings see how that original spark grew into something bigger and maybe it could have gone a million different ways but the point is that it didn't i am sitting here, embodying me

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