• i took my ap lit exam today. i did my best on the multiple choice part but wrote half essays for the short response part because my teacher honestly did not teach us a thing. i love The Glass Menagerie, but all my friends were leaving and i wasn't going to get the ap credit anyway so i left too. now i'm home with a vodka mixed iced coffee and listening to songs from my past while writing in the journal from my past; i'm starting to absolutely believe in horoscopes because of how terribly nostalgic i am as a cancer. i was at the gas station in the middle of a terrible storm yesterday after my orthodontist appointment. as the severe weather warning played on the radio, i saw a homeless man with a backpack and a thermos wedge himself in between the propane and ice under the small remaining shelter of the gas station roof. i watched him while waiting for my mom, the slew of raindrops on the window distorting his face. i couldn't tell if his expression was one of despair between windshield wiper wipes or if it was just the raindrops. anyway, i watched him pick a half cigarette out of his Newport pack and smoke what was left. he took out another half cigarette and smoked that one, collecting the butts in his hand and walking through the rain to the trash can to throw them away instead of littering like countless people do, especially in the rain. i'm a terribly sympathetic person in situations like these. i wish i could help him. he ended up leaving as we left; i think he was looking for another place because he looked lost and walked with his bag over his head. i might be misinterpreting the situation completely. i probably could have helped him. i don't know where i'm going with this. all of the things i want to major in will leave me with no job. the school i'll be going to is fantastic for film and that would be perfect, but not "realistic". creative writing would be great too, but i'm only good at rambling and constructing half-thoughts before i digress. sometimes i wish i didn't make the decision to go to college; traveling seems so appealing but again it's unrealistic. i wish i was badass like tyler durden and could just say fuck all of this and blow things up. but then again that wasn't exactly the point of the movie.

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