• I used to pray to God to allow the girl I was very interested in to fall for me. She loves Him. He never let this wish become a reality. This forces me to think about His supposed plan that the Christian's often speak of. He did not allow her to love me. Instead, I was given girls who want nothing to do with him. Girls who want to party. Girls who want to fuck. I often think about how things would have turned out had I won her heart. Would I still be a Christian? Would I still love Him? Sure as shit I'd still be a virgin. Sure as shit I wouldn't have started drinking, started smoking. I often wonder, had I won her heart, if we'd still be together. I doubt it. I greatly doubt that she (or anyone for that matter) could have tolerated me for this long. I often wonder who I would be today if I had won her heart. Who the hell am I? Who the hell am I?

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