• are thoughtful and moving as always, but I'm afraid you can see only the best parts of me, even though I do my best to reveal my worst right here, and often in person. I do miss you. Missed the party because I heard The Horse would be an honored guest, and I've only been clean for a month. Last year at this time I had been around you for two days straight, and no jealous meddling friends had yet made a point to create a problem where there was none before. I miss how it felt before that. I still blame that person, perhaps unfairly. I try not to hold a grudge, but certain parts of me are shut off to him now. Like most people who hurt me, he only gets access to the public face. I guess maybe you know more about me than I realize.

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