• I no longer feel the need to speak. I have the mindset that if I know what I think than that's all that matters. I no longer care about telling people anything about anything. I'm the only person that matters in my life. I went to the tea lounge tonight. I can seriously sit in that place for hours on end. All I did was stare into space. I knew Kayla was sitting next to me, but I was enjoying myself too much to care about her. After about 4 pots of tea we left. I don't even remember the drive home. We were listening to Canyon. Kayla talked on the phone most of the time about being drunk. It was stupid. Before I knew it I was at her house. Let her out, barely saying goodbye. I drove 40 all the way home. There were a ton of dear in this field. I sat for a while and watched them for a bit. Then I took the backway home. It's more fun to drive. A lot of turns and hills. It was peaceful. The moon was bright and I felt cozy and safe. I could've driven all night. Now I'm in bed. Sitting on the computer and listening to music. Lovedrug to be exact. I'm feeling nothing. Not happy, not sad, nothing. Sometimes I feel like I'd rather be this way than my normal emotional self. Once again...nothing makes sense, and I will never make any sense of my life. No one makes any sense at all. Making sense is not real.

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