• It's Saturday night. Not a normal Saturday. I'm feeling strange. It's like there's this force pushing against me. Listening to the music that moves me, has moved me today much more than it ever has before. Today I drove faster and faster with each track. The lines on the highway blurred together and the snow around me was just a white void. I honestly didn't care where I went in that car. I just went, no feeling at all. As I sat at dinner with Carrie, I felt no need to speak. I didn't care to entertain. I was content sitting and eating. We said our goodbyes. Usually on a Saturday night I'd ask if she'd like to go out for tea. Tonight I wanted to be alone. As I was driving home in the same manner I went, I was writing this play in my head. When I entered my door it was gone. Since then I've been laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, listening to music, writing uncontrolable thoughts that make no sense. Now I'm typing a bunch of random thoughts that make no sense. God, if I could make sense of things I wouldn't have a care in the world. It seems to me that no one has ever made sense of anything. I'm falling in love too easily. It's been so long since I've had someone constant to tell me they love me. I miss knowing the love I give is received. Kiel is always on my mind. Just one night was enough to give me those butterflies. Unfortunately I don't think anything will materialize. I'm not prepared to cross that river now. Steve...he is definately the most depressing chapter of my life. I believe it came to a close Monday night. I can't just leave things. Especially when they feel so unfinished. We've both done wrong, but we've both done right. Our love is(was) unconditional. I know I can never forget him. To me it seems like yesterday and always will. I can honestly say I don't know what he thinks of me, but I will always think the galaxy of him. Someday I hope that all our stars will spiral towards the middle forming a connection between us. For now I'm left drowning. Not knowing my fate. Time to take a shot of my favorite friend and retire for the night.

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