and i guess i'm still dancing around my head, trying to live in a good memory when things are lonely. and maybe, i'm being irrational. but it still feels real, you know? whether or not it actually is reasonable, it still affects me. it's like nails digging into my heart, trying to keep a grip on reality. i guess sometimes i just need someone to talk at. it's nice when people listen, but they don't very often. and when i find someone who does listen, they just criticize the hell out everything i say because i never make much sense. so, i guess it's better when people just tune me out.
that's the way it feels. i have friends, but i feel so disconnected nowadays. they say, "i love you, ash" and sometimes, i say it back. but often, i just smile widely and try to feel it. but mostly, i just feel nothing but white noise. being by myself hurts, but being around other people is scary. i'm pretty good at facing my fear a lot of the time. lately, though, it hasn't been worth it. so, i get stoned either by myself or with other people, and none of it matters anymore.
i'm pretty low today. but i know i'll come back from it. i've been working on my self-confidence and trying to base it off myself, rather than on other people. i want to like myself just because, and not because some asshole with a moustache tells me i'm "slightly more interesting than other people". i think i'm great, and i need to start acting like it. FUCK THAT NOISE, right?
"coz i've always been stronger than that
hold the weight of the world on my back
it's just love, selfish love
love, selfish love"
that's the way it feels. i have friends, but i feel so disconnected nowadays. they say, "i love you, ash" and sometimes, i say it back. but often, i just smile widely and try to feel it. but mostly, i just feel nothing but white noise. being by myself hurts, but being around other people is scary. i'm pretty good at facing my fear a lot of the time. lately, though, it hasn't been worth it. so, i get stoned either by myself or with other people, and none of it matters anymore.
i'm pretty low today. but i know i'll come back from it. i've been working on my self-confidence and trying to base it off myself, rather than on other people. i want to like myself just because, and not because some asshole with a moustache tells me i'm "slightly more interesting than other people". i think i'm great, and i need to start acting like it. FUCK THAT NOISE, right?
"coz i've always been stronger than that
hold the weight of the world on my back
it's just love, selfish love
love, selfish love"