Expalining

  • For those of you, who haven't been keeping up with my journal since I first got it, you have no idea what is happening. I talk about being pregnant, and fear is not in my voice. It is not in my writing. I have been through this before. Three years ago in January, I had a miscarriage. It was the second time that I had ever had sex, and I got pregnant. It was terrifying then, but I miscarried. I never thought that miscarrying would hurt so badly, but it did. I woke up covered in more blood than a gunshot wound. I couldn't even stand up. I remember waking up in pain. It felt like I was being stabbed over and over and over again in my lower stomach. I rolled out of bed and stumbled across my room and down the hall to my bathroom. There was so much blood. I just got over that night. It took more than a year. I know what my body feels like when something is wrong. After this long, three years so date, it is happening again. That is why I write so much about Patrick. About him not answering, or blowing me off. He is 24 years old, and I am 19, and we have a child on the way. He hasn't given me the time of day to tell him. He hasn't been remotely there. I know that he doesn't want this, and nor do I. I know what I have to do because I cannot support this baby. I cannot finish college with this baby. I cannot maintain a military career with this baby. I just thought that Patrick has the right to know. The right to know that he has created something, even if he doesn't want it. This is going to be a tough break, but I know what I need to do. I'm sorry if I offend any pro-life believers. This is something that has to be done for me, and it by law is my choice. Thank you to those who will support me.
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