• "i'm so fucking happy, i could develop a heroin addiction." you couldn't have sounded less enthused. but i also knew it was true. you're just tired. with your big sleepy eyes and your stance that makes you seem like you're always lying down even when you're standing upright. god it's so fucking beautiful that i can feel this. feel like i'm back. back to being manic and fucked up and seeing glory in every little thing. like seriously, what the fuck are you doing to me? it's amazing, don't stop but still. this is so bizarre. but definitely not unwelcome. there's so much shit i want to say, but it's pumping through my head so fast i can't keep up to catch it and write it down. and these cigarettes are going so fucking quick and you're in my bed. telling me how sleeping doesn't feel right without me. and it doesn't. it fucking doesn't. there are so many buts that i could think of, but right now right in this moment none of them even matter. it's all you. you're all it's ever been or could be. like i'm not used to this. you made me so crazy so out of my mind insane. and even though things got dark and messy... and i couldn't eat or sleep or function... that's the only reason things are like they are now. so fucking perfect. like fuck games. "i view everything as a competition until we're dating." "but it's not. it's really not." just the things you say. little tiny insignificant words that you string together and make sound so fucking good. calling me pretty girl and darling and kid, like some clean punk from the fifties. telling me we fit together quite well... that's all i ever fucking think about. how our hands fit together front to back, since we can't go palm to palm, mimicking the way we lay in bed and how fucking right it feels. just fuck man. fucking fuck. and it's so different. it sure is a mindfuck that's for sure. we haven't even boned yet. and it's been so long. but you're teaching me to not be greedy. my position has switched. and sometimes i don't think you realize what you. you were the one who told me that we are stars, burning real bright and that world can only stare. fuck. there's just too much good to put into words right now. and for the first time, i feel like this shit can last. no dread. just... comfort. so fucking weird.

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