• i have no fucking idea what to here. the pros and cons of this are way too equal, like seriously give me something to hold on to. i hate middle ground. i'm a very black and white person. i fucking hate the grey. gray? fuck. these cigarettes are going way too fucking fast. and my mind and heart are racing and i just... i just don't fucking know. but everything's so beautiful and i need to learn to just be. just be. just fucking be already. like i mean hunter was right. he wrote it down in black and white. i mean it wasn't him, but it was chenault. who is i guess a part of him. but it's not HIM.it isn't hunter. it's not. but it is. my life is full of such duality it isn't even fucking funny anymore. but i guess that i'm chenault. recognize when things are happy, don't hope for anything more. just enjoy the good before it's gone. because it will go eventually. but how the fuck am i supposed to accept that. no fuck that fuck you fuck everything. some things can last forever. it isn't over yet. but i can't help feeling like it will be soon. and that fucking scares the shit out of me. just STAY. just stay good. whatever there's always more. right? right. god i just want to be full of rage again.

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