• I realize I'm probably the last person you want to hear from right now. I hated the thought of you living with the words of my last letter playing through your head for the rest of your life. Even you don't deserve that. And honestly, I've been losing sleep, staying awake at night thinking about you and A.J., and every night I find myself wanting to fix us, more than I find myself mad at you. I just feel like I'm somehow betraying Jay by writing this. Mom has told me time and time again that he understands and doesn't blame me, but now I'm thinking that the only person who can truly help me is you, the person that messed it all up in the first place. I don't know. I'm lost and I don't know what to do next. My mind is like an enormous jungle surrounded by fog. Everything's intertwined and knotted into a big ball of confusion, but I can't see through the fog in order to untangle it all. I can't tell what's reality and what's not. Everything is a blur, and I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT! My head is telling me to walk away, that it isn't worth it, and that I'll only get hurt, but my instincts tell me to do it anyway. Trusting you is like having faith in a stranger that's got me at gunpoint. I'm a mess--totally disoriented, and I NEED OUT!

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