• 1/16/2005 So what do you get out of this? What did you get out of me before? Was I simply entertainment.? That morning when I awoke and opened my eyes to see that quiet flower.......you know that it was over for me.. I was always waiting for that day, even though I didn't ever have any way of knowing about it. This is what gives me myself to have and to hold. I fell in love that day. and I will forever know that I never belonged to you.. I could finally speak after I saw that flower. I always knew its language, but only now can I see why I never spoke it. The walls around here in this endless maze break things down. But the greatest gift I ever received was that flower which actualized my hidden passion.. I have always known these words and they brought me home. Secret prophecy has come to pass. I understood the all the sufferring when I was able to speak the words of the flower for the first time. I was finally able to empathize with myself, giving back time served. I suffered to protect and hide this child, keeping him safe from the wolves.. Knowing what it was all for, melted my shell and all the pain inside flowed out around me like a beautiful river. Even the puddles dried up in the healing sun by the end of the day.. I can see that I hated every word that I ever uttered with you. I would rather sow my mouth shut than let another word slip out of my mouth belonging to you. I will not hide among the shadows anymore. I can not hide anymore because I have been revealed to myself. I won't lie to hide the truth, you know that wasn't what it was before. So let me go.... even if I must walk out naked I will go. But you can't even give me this now can you old man? Do you have nothing good at all in you? You are an empty shell even if you have me. I planted the seed and what an amazing thing it is now. So break away fool and let be the new. What are you afraid of? You should see that I will never leave you either. I need you too. You make all this beauty possible. This house is awful, but its sadness gives life to everything else. The only ugliness left is the pathetic attempts to sudduce me with old lies and games, But keep it up because it only brings me more passion. Your clinging hands are growing weeker and you can not keep up this pace. You will eventually get tired and lose your pride. You will keep getting smacked down, and you will gain nothing but watching me grow stronger. You take away 1 thing and it brings me 2 more. Don't you see? . You are so sick, and I had to be with you alone all that time. I was shut into your wretched house and hidden. Now you see me, and try to call me a fake, but I say firmly you are wrong........... I learned everything about you, pretending to be dumb. I was undercover from birth, a hidden virus within, I just did because that was what I did. I did not know the mission and I did not know my own program that brought me out. you underestimated me...... I was lying to you all that time to hold onto one tiny thing. It was a key to open up the door of truth when I found it. But you couldn't take that key from me and the door is open now, so its over. Still you look confident, not shaken. Too much pride to acknowledge the truth just as before. So mock me, rape me, beat me.... Its just pain now... not destruction. These new walls may cover me up, but the gifts that I have received don't live here. When I see the end now, do you think I will give up? Yes, you still are in control, but you can do yourself no good...so if you want a piece of this I suggest giving up. Till then I will wait for you to burry yourself around me. --------------------------------------------------------------------

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