• 1/15/2005 The sun is setting and the dim light casts a view of the before and after. An erie calm and quiet speak silently. I take in a clear perspective that I have not had for sometime. I'm trying to fight off my ever-inflating thoughts of my self impotatance around this place. The scars I see on my body and the open wound deep in my flesh are still raw and demanding I pay them attention. Who am I to know Gods ways? After all, is not the devil presnt in this world under God. Does not the Devil serve a purpose too? Its clear he does, he makes a good foot stool. When walking along with dark shadows I can find truth in lies. The shadows are real as me, and watching them can help me understand the sun too bright to gaze upon. But the sun works its way over the world creating birth, growth, death and then letting it witness itself. The images left behind from last week when I was carried away into the night lost in oblivion seem to be saying something more to me. I am left with a fear because it does not seem clear if what it is saying is good or bad. It has left me worried about the gifts i'm holding onto. I can't give them up, I must defend them against this uncertainty. Still, I can't doubt the feeling I have inside that tells me this is right even if I am wrong. It seems God's will for me is important even if it is not for myself to make off with a prize. But it holds true that following the basic law and commands opens the door for his direction, even as I don't follow and fail. The aftermath of destruction always seems right because it always takes down something shabby. I'm still being pulled towards God, and the lessons taught in shame bring forth much fruit. The passion in me grows even stonger and I anxiously await direction. All of these images that contradict, tell lies and reveal truth. Everything of this world has withered away but 1. This is beautiful to see. Its just as that 1 thing said it would be. The 1 thing here that we have that is untouchable to the Devil and the fires of hell. ------------------------------------------------------------------

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