• So, its really silly, but the girl that i have feelings for and i are writing letters to each other. Even though we live about two streets away. Like i said, silly. But its really fun. Getting a letter thats not spam is really exciting, even more so knowing that when i open it, her writing is waiting for me. Her thoughts waiting for me. Man, there is so much going on in her head, its amazing. She has so much love for everything. Her mother, books, her friends, the world around her. And the ideas she has for her future are simply epic. She's so focused and determined. I have learned more about this girl through these letters then i could ever do by myself. Could i hope that she proposed the idea because she wanted to know more about me? And its no big secret that i'm awful when it comes to speaking aloud. I have started a bad habit of stuttering.... I love this girl SO much. So much that it hurts my heart. Physically, hurts it. Because it beats way too fast when i'm around her. Or even thinking about her. Pathetic, really. Whats even more pathetic is the motion of telling her these thoughts makes me so unbelievably sad. She can't know. It would compromise everything. I don't even know how to explain it. But fuck it, i don't need to explain it to you. Hahaha. But believe me, i would love to explain it, there are just no words. Well the husband she'll eventually snatch up better be a guy who dreamt of meeting a girl like her since he was a kid. He better want her so much that he can deal with the crazy friend that'll try to drive him away from her (aka me). He better be all she dreamed of and more. Or so help me god, i will....ha, who am i kidding! I'll do nothing! I'd be happy if she could only grace me with silly gossip that'll be passed around on the occasional lunch date. Man, do i sound like a whiny teenager or what? No. Not teenager anymore. Young adult. Damn thats scary. Speaking of scary things, my older sister (who just turned twenty a couple of days ago) is moving into a really nice apartment with her girlfriend in about two weeks. I'm happy that she is making a life of her own, but also i feel like i'm losing my better half. We're only two years apart, so in a way we act like the same person. I can be abnormal around her, its very relaxing. She is one of the only people who i can sit in silence with and not feel uncomfortable. And when she told me shes moving, a little part of me knew that something will slowly change between us. After a while, it'll feel like she's just a part of my family, not my absolute bestfriend anymore. Once she's gone, my house will be very quite, and very empty. Its truly the most official way to end my adolescence. My sister is leaving me to be an independent. So to make if even more official, I've decided that i will quit this never-ending quest with the girl i love. It was only going somewhere in my head. Me just overthinking everything-again. So, this little girl crush i have- had - on her is over. Time to move on the more adult thinking, like...um...college! Nah, fuck that, that'll only get me in a bad mood. But anyway, this girl will only be my friend from now on.... ....now my heart just needs to follow what my brain is doing....oh man, this'll be tough..... (song: Cinematic Orchestra - To Build A Home)

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