• I've only had one cup of coffee today. I usually have at least two. Is it too late for coffee now? Maybe I should eat dinner first. But I don't want dinner, I rather have some candy. And coffee. Painkillers for my aching head, I could eat painkillers for dinner. Some codein please, iburprofen and paracetamol, without yooou I'm feeling blueee lalal.. Medication makes me able to let things go, that is a relief for sure. Motivation-level is still below zero, social status: avoiding people. Except sometimes, just for a few hours. Not counting boyfriend, he is around most of the time, and I love it. I don't mind not having a lot of people around me. I usually feel like an outsider anyway. But I don't think I have to change medication really, other factors makes me not motivated, like being unemployed, and not knowing shit about the future. I hope me and my boyfriend gets to New Zealand, that would be something... If the pills trying to kill my creativity I'll definitly change to something else. Otherwise I'll be halfdead, hanging on a thin thread. And you know, going on for months and months without having anything to do, slowly puts you in a state of mind where you don't really want to do anything. Autumn sweet, dark and cold autumn don't paint my mind black, I don't want to go back. Head above the surface! At least the nose. Anybody out there reading this? Fun to write in english, been a long time... Hope it is not too bad.

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