• or is it early in the morning? i don't even know anymore, i don't know. i fucking work all the time, at crazy hours, without enough time to sleep properly between them. and i'm feeling sick from being so tried and just dirty and grimy and gross. my bed is horrible, my dreams are scary. and i'm so fucking lonely. and sore. always sore. right now the only thing i want is someone, and by someone i mean you jay. to hold me, sing me to sleep, keep me safe. all of that. i just don't feel strong enough to do any of it. i thought i was going okay with getting over you, i thought it was fine. until we started talking more, and you're so familiar. and i don't know. i found that line. THAT ONE WHERE YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME MORE THAN TEGAN AND SARA. and i'm still crying because i miss us, and we were so good. and i don't know what happened. but i'm pretty sure it's my fault. i hurt you like i always said i would, even though i tried not too. but i'm just a fucking bad person. bad person. I JUST FUCKING WANT TO BE OVER THIS ALREADY. I WANT TO BE OVER YOU. i'm so angry right now. but i don't want anyone else. i just want to not want you anymore, and you've moved on already. and it sucks. and you propose things for possibly after america. and it's so fucking confusing. and on top of it all i'm so tired and i just want a hug. and i want this to be over i want this to be over i feel fucking pathetic and i so hope you don't read this anymore i want this to be over. OVER. OVER. OVER. OVER. OVER. OVER. i can't handle it right now. tomorrow is going to suck. the next two weeks are going to be horrible. 65 hours, in 2 weeks. why are the fuck do i need that many hours? when i only got paid 23 hours for the week before... and now my other pay book's gone, and 65 fucking hours. where is my life? i make subway for most of it. whoooo!!! i need to sort out who i'm seeing and when. cramming in the most important people in my life around making sandwiches and serving drunk cunts. i'm so fucking out of it right now. i just fucking feel horrible. so sick. and i want to drink but i can't because my liver will explode. i am going to listen to the rest of my alkaline trio play list, and then the used. and hopefully i';; be asleep and wake up in a better place, a better time... but wait that's streetlight. anyway.

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