• maybe it was just the dark that I was afraid of maybe it had nothing to do with lack of motivation or commitment or a fear of drowning in too much time it could have just been the environment the physical lack of brightness producing a natural human response when the world is dark, we sleep there is no point in opening our eyes when shutting existence out for a while always felt so comforting but i want to be a special girl i want to be the only one awake a strange creature thriving in a secret world of her own i imagine writings, texts, hundreds and thousands of all the right words i could learn a new language i could read about movements, watch idealistic documentaries all on my own time with no one awake to break the spell and yet, i struggle getting out of bed to silence the alarm, freezing in the still air, there is nothing in me that sees the point why should i need so much time when everyone else was content? why did i have to pretend i was invincible, that all the normal human weaknesses did not thrive inside my blood no, in the night, the only thing i could truly feel was desire and that was simply for sleep

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