• we got more cattle last night, and they woke me at fucking 3 am, they have not stopped mooing all night, and i can't get back to sleep. i feel fucking hideous, sickly tired. i slept until 3 pm yesterday. before bed, i was just feeling so horrible, so alone. i miss Jay, but again i'm in this predicament where i don't. it's been so long since i've kissed anyone, been held. there's that intimacy, having a crush, all of that, which i usually have. i mean, i have a slight crush on mikaela, but she's so straight, and i'm not going to jepardise anything with her, and i don't want to. there was that cute girl from slutwalk. but i'm not anywhere near over jay. i compare everyone to her. the sad thing is though, the memories are getting hazy, of us. they're there. but i try not to think about it. try to keep all the thoughts of her out of my head becuase i just get too too sad. i just want to be held before sleep, while i sleep. have someone make me breakfast, send me cute messages. it'll be good when hannah gets back. the pressure of exams will be gone, and we can just go out, get drunk , go shopping blah blah all that. i might move in with tay for a bit. be close to him, jedi. i just need to surround myself with all my friends. distract myself from Jay. look after myself, sleep, eat well. save money so i can travel. and now, back to revision.....

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