• Me! "I shouldn't have left. You needed me. And i left you."-some story i just read That is why i'm a terrible person. A person in need, I left her at the worst time, when she needed to know someone was there. But i left her to be alone with her demons, with her shitty, dead-beat mother, and her drug addiction. I walked away from her and joined the care-free friends that were around. I plucked them out of the blue and became really close friends with the 'happy' people. I'm a horrible person. And i can never forget. I just want someone to pat me on the back and tell me i did the right thing. And mean it. Not to just say it to 'help' cheer me up. But even then, i don't think it would really lift the guilt. But then again, who says i deserve for this guilt to be lifted off me? This is my punishment. You reap what you sow. And this is it. The knowledge that i let a once close friend of mine in the shadows to rot. For you to really grasp why the deed and guilt eat me up, i'll have to give you background info. In middle school, i had a god-awful time. I was constantly alone, forever teased, and i tried too hard for everybody's sake. Then i met her. She taught me to not give a fuck what anybody thought. She was the reason i went out on Friday nights. A probably, she was my savior becoming depressed. We were young. No problem was too big. No challenge too scary. As long as we had each other, we had it all. Then, along came, lets call her Polly in high school. Polly was and is the most....there's not even a word for it. She talks and for some reason you have to listen, because she says great things and you might miss it. So when group projects come along, you dream to be put into a group with her. She's demanding, but not in a bad way (its hard to explain) and she's nice. Really. And my friend, lets call her Zoe, fell head over heals in love with Polly. And they become bestfriends. And i left in Zoe's past. But thats okay with me. As long as i was nowhere near the state i was in middle school, i was fine. Anything was better than that. Long story short, they were best friends for a year, and then Polly got a boyfriend, and to no ones surprise, Polly didn't hang out with anyone. That broke Zoe. She was damaged goods from then on. So i did what any forgotten friend would do, i opened my arms wide to my wounded friend. But anything i said and any act i did would not heal her pain. I broke my heart how sad she was. Even now, i hurt to remember my how broken she was. How i couldn't do anything to help her. So she did what most depressed teenager would do; she smoke and drank her sorrows away. And i watched. Hating myself for not having the will or passion to stop her. I remember one night, it was her birthday, she got so drunk that she starting to sob. Which turned into violent tears of distress. She claimed no one lover her, i would leave her, she was broken. At that time, i loved her dearly. At that time, i claimed i would never leave her. And at that time, i would help put her back together. Presently, i cringed and hate myself for telling this wreaked girl all these lies. After the following weeks it was hard to talk to her. I made up bad excuses to get out of being around her. It was all very pathetic. Then, fucking Polly sucks me in. I hated that i wanted to be around her so much. I guess it was a paradise away from the angst that was Zoe. Again, long story short: Polly and I had gotten closer, while i left Zoe in the past. But she was still on the edge of my mind. Always. Then i heard Zoe had gotten worse. She was drinking heavier than ever. Smoking pot practically everyday, and skipping whole weeks of school. At one point i was on a road trip with Polly and i had gotten a phone call. I was informed that Zoe was being put in a mental hospital because she was seriously contemplated suicide. She needed me. Or somebody who she can trust. But i left her. And i wondered why i couldn't go back. Then i got to thinking. Zoe scared me. I was frightened of her. Whenever i got near her at school, my stomach turned upside down. Why? Why am i so scared of her? I still don't know. And the fact that i'm scared of her makes me feel guiltier. I am a repulsive person for leaving my friend alone when she needed me the most. And maybe that's why i can't talk to her or even look at her; She reminds me of what a horrible person i am. I'm too prideful to do anything about. And whats worse, i don't really want to do anything about it. Granted, she was one of the best friends i'll ever have. But if we become friends again, it won't be the same. On the grapevine, i do hear she has gotten better. She doesn't drink and she hardly smokes. She's back to her old middle school Zoe self. Which makes me sad that i wasn't there to witness her get better. I do miss her, but i can't. I'm too ugly to face her now.

• sad story :*(

  M3T4LH34Don June 12, 2011   Link

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