• im damaged goods now. thats too bad. i wish i could stop feeling. like just turn it off for just a little while. im only okay when im surrounded by people but even then i feel lonely. every freaking square inch of every freaking thing reminds me of him. i cant go two seconds without thinking about him. its getting to the point that even fucking blinking reminds me of him. like "oh i used to blink with him" yeah yeah yeah what the fuck. honestly i wish i could just get my heart to understand the way my brain does. like helloooo he doesnt matter anymore he was no good he was just a high school guy there is a wholeeeee future ahead of you for you to still enjoy ! but nope it doesnt feel like cooperating. thanks heart, thanks a lot. like i wish my heart could be logical, which i know is not possible. but i think about kissing any other guy and it just makes my stomach drop and makes me wanna vomit. i cant imagine getting acclimated with another guy ever. not even just to hook up. it feels wrong. it makes me feel vulnerable. i feel like im cheating on him. i want to not feel that way. but when i think about it its all i feel. but i hate it i dont wanna feel that way at all. but it scares me to kiss another guy. i feel scared to expose myself again. its like touching the flame when you know it burns but doing it anyway. i cant shake these feelings but i want to. i cant believe he already move on. he already likes another girl. how can i have been so unimportant that he could move on so quickly? did i really make no difference to him. i thought we were so perfect. we were so cute together he was so sweet. has he forgotten everything? i wish i could forget it all. it makes me sick. i cant believe i lost my virginity to him. that phrase always sounds so negative and now i know why. i cant figure out if i regret it. but i know i wont have sex for a good long time. it makes me feel really weird and sad inside. we had sex on monday he dumped me friday. it didnt mean anything to him. it meant everything to me. im just damaged goods now.

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