the mistress of animals belongs in the forest
- May 26, 2011
- artemisagrotera
- 1 Comment
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Do you think this is some kind of fucking game for me? Since the last time we actually talked at length, I've cried for you every day. If it happens when I'm not alone, I make up lies about why I cry. Then I contemplate suicide, which is something I haven't felt in years. I actually have enough pills to do it now. I won't. I'm sure that sounds juvenile, but unfortunately, it's how I feel. Don't presume you are the only one hurt, and don't accuse me of not having emotions or toying with you. I wanted desperately to see you. I could not.
I just want to listen to music with you and talk to you. Actually, I would like much more than this but I know it is impossible. I wish I could still hold you to comfort you, but I think that might be dangerous. I certainly don't expect you to be content with just screwing around on the side. You deserve better. And if in some alternate future we ever found ourselves in a situation in which we could truly be together, you would never trust me because you would think I am the kind of person that is capable of cheating. I've actually done it once. It feels awful. It destroys everything.
Please at least let me have your friendship. I can't stand to be apart from you. When I asked if we could please be friends again because I miss you so much and it just kills me not to see you, I really meant it. I still mean it. I've always meant it since I saw you talking to my cat at a party and wondered who you were. Please, please, please don't walk away from me. I need you. If all we can do is listen to music together, I'll take it. We may find that was all we really needed from each other.