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  • Don't cry, we all make mistakes from time to time,

    Unfortunately for me, being me was mine.

    Another Sad Song - Lower Than Atlantis


    So I'm 18 but I haven't actually drunk any alcohol yet. Or gambled or... something else you can only do once you turn 18. Haven't wrote in here because what is there to say? I went back to college and got kicked out around my birthday because I had more time off because I started having panic attacks and felt like I couldn't leave the house. They told my mum I can go back next year but I don't know what to do. I don't know what to be. My mum doesn't know what to do with me. I always thought by 18 I'd be getting ready to go to uni, ready to move forward, but I'm so badly stuck here. The only friends I have are a few internet friends who live hundreds of miles away. The only thing I do is read books. I don't even listen to music much any more and I've no idea why not. I know I said it's not agoraphobia, but I've recently realised it could be. I mean, I can't remember the last time I left the house. To go to the counseller I think but I can't see her any more because I'm 18 and therefore an adult. I don't know how to get help at all. I don't have anyone to talk to. I read somewhere about social anxiety, but I just thought that was just a mild thing or an umbrella term, but a lot of the symptoms correlate with what I feel. It suggested CBT - cognitive behavioural therapy - but with the NHS being what it is currently, will I really be able to get something like that for free? Because we sure as hell can't pay for it. I dunno, just don't know what to do. And this is why I never update this thing any more, it's too depressing and whiny. I'm genuinely not attention-seeking, I'm just venting. Doesn't matter.

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