it's so strange to be back here.
it's like my life is a loop when i'm here.
because i was so fucking happy, so... placated when i was away. i forgot everything i left behind.
being back here makes me crazy. but it's so beautiful. all the heartache and pain i felt is coming back, returning. just fucking with my head you know.
it's bizarre. there will be times, when i honestly believe i'm losing it. i think i'm crazy.
and then i'll realize. i'll see the beauty in all this angst.
because when i'm feeling so conflicted and distraught... i know i'm actually feeling. i'm really alive.
i can have opinions. i can speak with honesty.
i can just be.
looking back on all this writing, where i poured out my anger and frustration.
it's something. it makes me real.
but then that moment passes and i'm fucked up again. all i want to do is be fucked up.
fucked up.
fucked up.
fucked. up.
just drink and go.
and it's crazy, it's insane.
but the reason i like you so much... it finally dawned on me.
it's because you are exactly who i would be. who i'd be if i didn't waste so much time being scared.
and all i want to do now is be you.
and be with you.
lets hatefuck.
please...
i want you to see that my heart's on fire. just like yours is.
