• So who's to say you can't wake up one morning and decide to change your life around and i mean really change it one hundred percent commitment like putting your foot down, taking a stand and saying "hey i'm not fucking happy here and this isn't hwo i want to be" it's incredibly hard to let people down just by surrounding yourself with people, you create all these assumptions maybe things you didn't even know you were maybe things you never thought you could stop being in any group, you become your singular identity for instance, i am always the sweetest girl i don't argue i never have strong opinions i always seem to want what makes the most people happy but sometimes, all i want is to fucking scream and tell them all how much better i deserve even though no one will listen i'm terrified of being alone i need someone to take care of me always i need a guiding figure in my life and that's why i have brian math like that should scare me but it doesnt i have laready had my heart shattered so now i know im capable of recovery i allow myself to envision a life of stasis here i am inside his arms i make him promise because i think it's amusing matt said he wouldn't leave either and now look how far away he's gotten i know it's unlikely that brian will stay but that doesn't matter now i've learned to view time as an un-graspable entity the only certainty is the present memory lies, the future evades we are here and now and that's all there is too it we have had other moments we will have other moments so whenever i feel like i'm dropping i just close my eyes and wait

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