• What am I chasing? Sometimes I think certain actions and habits and daily routines are illusionary. I even wonder sometimes how much of my obbsession with music is illusionary. At times I have an insatiable drive to get new music. That nathan, as hard as it is to swallow is illusionary. If I try and get the newest stuff just to say that I already heard it, then its pretty shallow. Oh ill admit it I have done that more than once. I found myself in this desperate action while listening to Belle and Sebastian. Definately not for me. Anyways. I started thinking about my parents and how much I dont spend time with them. What if something happened to them? Would I have left something unsaid? How would that affect my life? Or what about any of my friends or relative? I know when Sarah died it changed my life drastically. Reality is seen in the moments that you realize the fragility of life. In the moments after a close friend dies. After Sarah died I wanted to pour my heart out to everyone. Not an attempt to capitalize on pity, but to be real. Just look someone right in the eye and say I want to know you and what your all about. I want to talk to you and understand you and I dont care who you are or who I think I am. Every conversation was so real that week. Living life in that conviction is beatiful. I'm already approixmately 2/5 through my life. I'm gonna die one day. Thats hard for me to type. What if I died tommorrow? Would I be researching Shakespeare in AZ? Heck no.

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