• Spending a lot of time talking to my friend Shawn. I seem to have a new guy every week. It sucks. But I always hope that this one will be better. This one will be different. This one will actually be real, in every aspect. This one will be good. I have been wrong every time. Still I hope that Shawn will be what I'm looking for. So far he seems to be. Haven't talked to him since this afternoon, and now its 11:30pm. I miss him. I started missing him a lot cause I'm in such a bad mood today. Whenever I am in a bad mood, I just look for somebody to comfort me. I like to know that there is actually somebody who thinks I'm not a complete fuck up. Is that too much to ask for? I'm upset and depressed. I hide it so well. I laugh. I have fun. But when I am alone, it hits me the hardest. I hate being alone. Being by myself in a room. It makes me sad and anxious. I hate being alone relationship wise just the same. Makes me feel like I'm not worth it.

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