• My mom is just being so horrible! I seriously hate her! You probably think that I am just saying that I hate her but I really love her, well that is not how it is. You don't know what I have been through my whole life, ever since I can remember with her. She has caused so much pain and trouble and fighting in our family and then she just puts all the blame for it on us three children. She always says she never does anything wrong when it's really only her that does everything. I'm tlling you, my life would be so much better if she just left our fsmily and got devorced with my dad, if she ever decides to be nice and do that, I am definitely chosing to live with my dad. I'm pretty sure my friends are scared of her, but her and my friends are just a whole other story. She is just such a bitch to my dad, she hits him sometimes... How can he still love her? She is always starting fights with him, yet he still loves her, how is that even possible? It's all just so confusing! My friends don't understand, they always see me looking sad or something and they ask why, but what am I supposed to tell them? My mom is just the worst thing that has ever happened to me? What would they think if I said that to them. Yes, that is what best friends are for, but I don't think I have any best friends, just really really good friends and they are mostly boys, I only have one very good friend which is a girl and that is Isabel, she would be the closest thing to a best friend for me, but I can't even tell her my secrets. Well I guess that's just my problem, I have trusted her once with my very deep secrets and she just went and said it out loud, and I have also told Sidne my secrets and she just went and said them out loud too, it's their fault I never trust anybody anymore. Speaking of Isabel, I actually had a really good time at her. We talked aobut all different things and I love it when I have those kind of talks with friends. We watched the next four episodes of Vampire Diaries, now I completely hate those vampire stories as much as the next person, but I don't know why it is that I like Vampire Diaries. When I woke up at Isabel, it was 5:00! Then I fell asleep again and I woke up at 6:00 and then I fell asleep once again and woke up at 10:00 which I feel a little bad for because Isabel had been awake for 3 hours. Her mom said something that really surprised me, but I don't think she actually meant it because it was really meant to just be an excuse so Ron wouldn't have to sleep at her. She said "Sarah-jo got to sleep over because she is like family" That really got me thinking, I have only been to sleep at her about two times, so I'm not quite sure if she actually meant it or not. I am really trying to go to bed early tonight, you know, just to get in the habit of it so I won't be horribly tired when I get woken up for the first day of school. I am so nervous for school, I am seriously freaking out, but I don't know why. I should be feeling excited now because I found out that you actually get a map on the first day so I won't be lost, well, unless I forget where my locker is. That is another thing, I really want to see what the lockers look like because I want those type of lockers that have those slits at the top, you know, just in case it's Valentinse Day and someone wants to give me a card, I know, it's crazy, but still. I don't know why I think of those things, I know they are never going to happen. While my mom was being horrible tonight, she told me that I can't play on the computer and that I should be more involved with the family. She said to do that I must stop going on the computer and I must.. Dare I say it... Stop listening to music! She doesn't understand me, she says she knows me better than anyone, she doesn't though. She doesn't even know that I am a tomboy, or that I am not comfortable with the little talks she has with me, she doesn't know that I'm not the kissy huggy type and she doesn't know I like to be by myself sometimes. What she knows about me is my name and the music Ilisten to. She doesn't understand how impotant my music is to me, I almost start crying when I hear a song I love. I guess most people don't understand my type of music, how can they not see the art in Pink Floyd and The Rollings Stines and Supertramp and Kiss and Queen and all that other amazing rock art. But I just can't do this one thing she has asked me to, I can't stop listening to my music, I refuse. Anyway, I hope I made this easier for all of you to read, I'm not sure weather I like the fact that people I don't know are reading my journal, hmmm, as long as it's not a family member of any type or a friend of person I know, I guess I do kind of like the fact that I have someone to tell this to, someone who doesn't know me and someone I don't know. Well, I best be off, so goodnight (if I can ever get to sleep by going to bed as early as this).

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