• i promise to always be nice to you that is my start here are these little words i want to feel comfortable placing out to someone as a marker of my attachment to the world i am present and living i exist there is more than regret embracing me let go, jump in and start all over matt and i had skype sex just like old times, but not at all i was so willing and animated vibrant fucking intoxicating and he was the same i saw only flesh and heavy breathing no real love screaming out nothing more than a horny teenage boy trying to get his rocks off when he left right after, i laughed i thought i would cry, but i just laughed at the stupidity of everything at how far and desperately i would travel to get back an ounce of forgiveness strangely, i think we are better now i don't feel so ashamed my new boyfriend is such a kind person so normal, so safe, so happy it has only just occurred to me that everyone else i truly care about is miserable my best friends and i are so confused pretty girls with opportunities and pills down their throats and scars on their wrists i am some sort of haunt of this category we're only just as happy as we pretend to be and i am a champion of faking smiles

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