• i can either not give a shit or bleed myself dry there are only those two options i can't do like other girls, oh i think i like him, but i don't know i like talks clarification the this is how i feel and you better fucking reciprocate because otherwise i'll end up sobbing on the floor for years now, i have not been the guardian of my happiness that was always matt's job, and then chris's, and back to matt again i felt the way they told me to a kiss on the cheek would leave me driving home signing an unanswered text, a fight, an accusation and i became unsure of my whole entire universe i need other people we all do, but i need to focus in just one just somebody i can craft into my everything all it takes is that minimum standard of attraction and chemistry we get along well enough, you're hot enough and i can get you strung out beyond your wildest dreams there is something about safety something about being half of a whole i fall in love in minutes, moments fake love, projected futures but still somehow sincere so now enter this stage of my life where matt needs a replacement i still care so much it is breaking my chest but without that response returned, i have no idea how happy is even a remote possibility i found somebody new and i already envision our someday i take all the obstacles and flip them around until everything is perfect we will fall in love, i say i will start really enjoying this college i will introduce him to my parents and friends and it will all work out so merry merry happy three fucking days its been three fucking days but he's matt's replacement i need that level of caring it's that or not give a shit i just don't know how to find another option

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