There are a handful
of girls who dance across
the frayed edges of my
mind; some dance so that
I may see the way their
bodies move, some dance
only because they themselves
love the movement,
and so enjoy the music
that my mind does make for them.
There is Lindsay, who kissed me
while we layed on the grass
out back of the alternative
highschool from which she graduated,
she led me, and I followed,
and a couple weeks later, she
revealed that she had a boyfriend.
His name is Juan, he is from
Colombia, he lives down the street
from her, in Denver.
It's whatever, I'm broke anyway.
She dances, and I recognize
her beauty and abilities,
but also do I see this strange
fear, and sense this peculiar
sense of abandonment, and
confusion, and I accept it all,
I deem her a friend, nothing more,
and I am happy for her happiness,
even if it is based upon a lie,
because isn't most happiness?
Then there is Amanda,
she and I were together
a number of years ago.
A couple weeks back, I visited
her at her duplex in Arvada.
We drank a bottle of wine,
began touching, feeling on
the couch, we started to kiss,
it was like driving through
an old town I remembered
driving through on some
vacation in the distant past.
Beware of feeding nostalgia,
for it will in turn devour
it's own master.
So yeah, we had sex,
she thanked me, we smoked
a cigar, I slept on her couch,
she in her bed, and I drove
home the next morning.
Still haven't seen her since then.
Is it weird that I'm the one
who feels used?
Ah well, lapse of judgement
on my part. Stupid.
Whatever.
In her, I sense an indefatigable
laziness, a tireless zone of
apathy, I sense her running away
from the exact things she knows
that she needs. I cleaned her
apartment for her, because
she is too butthurt at her roomate
for making the mess. I said, It
has to be done, so I'll do it.
Such is Life, right?
Then there is Heather,
also an old girlfriend, my
first real love, if I may.
She also has a boyfriend,
Keith, they're living together,
working it out, Heather tells me,
It's a process.
I'm glad to say that there is
no longer any sexual tension between
the two of us, we overcame that
around this time last year.
I remember the snow on the ground
outside her apartment, as we
went out for cigarettes in between
fiery drunken makeout sessions,
while certain movies ran forgotten
from the TV in her living room...
Funny that I'll never see that
apartment again. I never even had
a chance to properly say goodbye.
Se la vi... Whatever dawg...
Anyway, the tension has left us,
or rather we've decided to set it
free, for both our sakes.
Now we talk about this certain
spiritual connection we share.
Cheesyness aside, the shit is true.
I can just feel the girl,
when I'm with her, when I hear
her voice, when I see her eyes,
when we dive into deep conversation,
it just all makes sense like nothing
else in this crazy life can.
There is just something, and she and I
always try to keep up with eachother,
keep one another updated on changes,
but it's been a number of weeks since
last I saw her, she keeps postponing,
I'm cool with it, just wondering away...
Alright, then there is Ivy.
Ivy works with me at Hot Topic,
she has beautiful read hair,
and is very cute in a unique,
intriguing kind of way.
I've spoken with her a few times,
there is a tangible chemistry,
and I catch her eyes during
our shifts, she smiles and I
smile back, sometimes with raised
eyebrows; tonight, she told me,
"one of my favorite songs is
the spin doctors song that goes,
If you, like to call me baby,
just go ahead now..."
Honestly, I wouldn't mind calling
her baby... but work has this
policy that sales associates
aren't allowed to hang out
outside of the workplace.
So I've been hesitant in attempting
to beginning or inviting anything.
But this Friday, I work with her
alone for a few hours.
We will see. She is quite nice.
Then there's Emily Healey.
Old friend from Highschool,
ran into her at my brother's play
at the highschool from which we
both graduated in 09.
We caught up a bit, I kinda always
felt that she had a thing for me,
I got her number, said that I would
call her if I was ever down in denver.
Still haven't contacted her, I could
use a new friend, but my interest
in Ivy is stronger than my interest
in Emily, so I may be patient a little
while longer.
It's just a crowded, convoluted
mess that runs around inside my head.
Luckily, my home, my hands, my clothes,
my dishes, my UA's, my teeth, my mirrors
are all clean, and the money is rolling
in steady as it ever has; I got a good
thing going here by myself, but I just can't
help but always keep my options open,
and hold onto old loves, because I can't
stand to see them vanish, fade, disappear,
or God forbid, die.
Nothing will die, it will only change.
I just have to be careful of which lines
I decide to cross. I have a feeling
that I should only choose one.
Too many crossings makes a tangled
up mess, a knotty ruin, an insufferable
headache of a situation.
For now, I have my guitar,
and my family, and my ideas.
I'll be making money,
and I'll be on the look out
for developments.
Keep ya posted.
Add your thoughts
Log in now to tell us what you think this song means.
Don’t have an account? Create an account with SongMeanings to post comments, submit lyrics, and more. It’s super easy, we promise!