• it's no longer my responsibility to try, he said and in those words, it all made sense if i wanted this to work, it was never going to get easier there was no better, no lighter, no happy ending everything was based entirely on my effort and suddenly i realized i was exhausted flash forward to the part where i give it up the sheets were already covered with sperm fucking white blotches on a navy blue background i don't want this i thought, right before i went under but i held my breath and i dove because there's no point in protecting what has already been damaged revert back to 10th grade, a girl who can't say no the same empty feeling the same worn out skin she goes to bed and sleep feels better than anything no dreams just unconsciousness

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