• so now that i have gone back and reread who i used to be i think this is supposed to be the point where i have discovered all the answers for who i want to become unfortunately, what i see is a mess tears and lies filling pages somehow, i deluded myself that at one point i was happy i was never happy, not really always content and bored always complaining about this guy, this girl, this life as it turns out, i have always been empty i am not sure why i'm the only one suprised i wrote matt a letter today, a final farewell in all likelyhood i need to stop being so lost i told him i really need him here for me right now, as my friend somehow i doubt he'll be up for the challenge i wish there was some magical way to selectively meet only incredible people like they would jump out at me and offer their hands and say , here come on this amazing journey, and i would follow and be enlightened i go to the stupid organized activities i plaster a stupid smile on my fucking face it is only 8:30 i have no idea what to do with the rest of my evening

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