• It takes years to fall in love three and a half years to be exact you have to be friends first talk for hours there's just so much content so many things and people and experiences all blank spaces to fill in and so we ask, tentatively at first what's your favorite color? what's your craziest memory? and as these get filled in, slowly maybe hours, if you do it all at once maybe days or weeks if you spread it out we get into the deep part, the place where it's not so comfortable who do you love the most? what makes you cry the hardest? so we answer honestly if we're really in for the long haul if we want the kind of love that makes your heart swell up outside of your chest and you literally can't breathe without breaking down and if we have enough in common it just keeps on going into each other we spill and spill the childhood memories the saddest funerals all of it everything stripped bare, no secrets, down to the bone once you get there, you're stuck in this place of no walls and or windows he knows everything you even let him read your journal you are my whole heart you say, and you really do mean it and so for a year you are pretend happy you are going to get married move out to California live in summer all the time but words, the same way they constructed your fantasy are all it takes to bulldoze it down three nights and i ruined everything three and a half years and i destroyed it alcohol and angry words just trying to give back the hurt pain is an ugly thing the way you carry it around in a tight steel ball just waiting to be thrown at the easiest target i want to fix everything you say im so sorry for everytime ive ever hurt you that's alot of times he says and thats all it takes, you're just gone the essence of you is still locked inside his love which is a mess, a disgusting mess dripping through your fingers you cry so hard you don't know how you do this how tomorow you can go back to class and say "this is a day like any other" and somehow, because of that connection, he sees that and as much as he hates you, he still loves you more so he comforts you he says the words you need to hear and you don't stop crying, but it helps, it helps and for that you are so eternally grateful because even if you have ruined everything you can tell there's still a spark of hope so that's what you're holding onto just in case it's worth it

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