upward becomes the sky and stars
outward becomes a hand too far to grasp and i fall
into abysses wide and narrow
this is what it means to be alone
when nobody can even watch you struggle
and you are so locked out
that the words don't even come out in the same language
and nothing you write really makes much sense
i should be doing Spanish homework
but instead i watched tv
true life: i have lost all the pieces
i am here in this zone of made up stories
and nothing seems to hit home anymore
nobody ever has conferences about rainbows
nothing free has any real value
we live in a market society
love is a product to sell
he loves me, he leaves me
he hates me, he needs me
do people change?
or just reset
everything is so atmospheric
cold vs warm
light vs storm
basic needs of human motivation
why is it that the only things i want for myself are so intangible
the dreams are so abstract
i dont even know where to start
wasting time, wasting time
little hisses in the back of my skull
break the seal
i hate to feel
i cry so much for absolutely no reason
when we first hugged and i couldn't let go is my defining moment
the smell and the warmth
it brought me home
i used to want to get out so bad
college, i said
the big bad world
well now im here
where are the changes?
i still don't feel special
i still don't feel alive
we need other people to be exciting
you can't be interesting if you never leave your room
but i dont want to go out by myself
and end up talking to nobody
there are absolute truths in every lifetime
i hate everybody else and all i want to do is watch tv
its disgusting but i said it
there is me in a nutshell
a girl who in theory wants to make her life amazing but is actually too scared to even try
she feels awkward everywhere
she doesn't stand out
she doesn't fit in
instead she watches everybody else and changes
into everything she wishes they were
Smile when you can't stand it
- October 15, 2010
- ideaofcrying
- 2 Comments
Add your thoughts
2 Comments
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You are clever and introspective. For any change to occur, we must first set it in motion. Love cannot be bought or sold. Love is free, though it does take a toll. Think positive sister, stagnancy breeds negativity. Stir it up. I love your words.
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You are beautiful and wonderful. Thank you for being in this world.
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