• as the days go by i get more and more depressed. i fail to see a purpose. every time i gain some shred of happiness it is taken from me abruptly by the thought of what tomorrow holds. everything i try i fail at. i have friends but they do not understand what i am going through. to them i am the happiest member of our group, the one always willing to try something new and encouraging everyone to do the same. i am so outgoing because i secretly hope that one day i will do something too drastic and end my life. i cannot wait to die. i think that that is the thing i think about the most. while most people my age will be worrying about friends, family, work, or school, i spend my days killing myself in my head wishing that my fantasies will come true. nothing i do makes me feel any happier. no matter how happy i am on the outside on the inside i am screaming for help. but no one can help because no one can hear my scream. i tried Christianity but i find it too hard to believe in what they preach and that makes me even more depressed. i want to believe in an all loving all knowing all powerful god but i just cant. there is too much pain and suffering in the world.

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