• I don't really know why i write here anymore but I know it helps i dont know how or why it just seems to, so yesterday was interesting to say the least. I went to the hospital like i have been for a long time, went and had a PET scan, hoping beyond hope that something's changed for the better, im so sick of bad news. He told me no significant change but not to give up hope, it doesn't mean its a bad thing or a good thing, as far as im concerned it means shit could hit the fan, very very soon, i dont know if i can do it, i cant live with this, this hole in my heart this pain in my head, FUCK. It's so close to the end, i told her how i feel, it comes down to her now, im dying inside both physically and emotionally, i love her so much, ive already given so much for her, id give everything if it means just for one more day i could be with her, just for one day, just once just incase, just incase i dont make it through this

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