• sleep so much too much fill my whole heart fill my heart and my bed and my skin with the warmness with comforters and darkness and nothing no dreams please no dreams he told me he dreamed about us making love and it was beautiful he told me today i was still beautiful one week and one day and i will be in his arms i hope it is perfect i hope it is magical i am running out of substance to push into my life every movie, every book feels like ive seen it heard it there's only so many different types of tragedies and then the real ones i don't belong to mellissa andrew is not my tragedy but i cant get her out of my head apparently it has been two months so unreal i see her everywhere i don't know why i didn't know her i didn't know her but she's the only dead 17 year old girl i,ve ever met and every minute i cry and sit in my room and wish to disappear i feel like im failing her i want to be happy i want to see this world as beautiful but every time i try my heart just closes up and crumbles and all i see are the thorns

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