• tonight i don't feel like writing about me because every word i have inside my soul has been said and the order doesn't matter because we all get the same message essentially: i am lonely and lost without absolutely zero confidence and no one likes to be alone so here we go ill invent something new to make myself feel better and maybe we can all slip inside Katie sat and played with her hair for hours or minutes, she wasn't quite sure "Katie", she heard, the voices, in her head, outside, she couldn't tell all she knew was her hair, the straight browness, the dead ends, the tingling prick on the top of her scalp reminding her this body was still sort of breathing hospitals creeped her out she didn't want to be here on this saturday night with strangers in tight black clothing "Katie" again and again as though that stupid word was all it would take to get her back when she got like this what was this? nothingnothingnothing she could disappear it was her secret power her saving grace she didnt want to be here and so she was simply gone as she drifted around in her cloud of dust, eyes zoning out turning faces into unidentifiable blurs, pieces of reality began rising to her consciousness she could feel them creeping up, not quite interfering but they would they would and there was nothing she could do to stop them this is your life so just go fucking live in it who was that? her? a stranger? a god? song clouds magic melodies floated over her brain we're not really here, but we're really not there she could wake up if she wanted she could face this and suddenly like a snap, she felt a hand grab her arm and that was it, the absorption so total and terrifying she just had to give in. like a gasp she felt her hands and heart start again and she was crying and walking and everyone said thank god she's alright you really fucking freaked us out there and they all went back to the car they drove her home of course because that's the right thing to do when a girl you don't know all that well decides to disappear at a party, and so her dorm room door shut without any protest "thanks", katie said "no problem" said the guy who walked her up, had been sent, whos name was either rick or matt or anything really, she just had no idea on her bed, the one that wasn't hers, katie sat and looked at the ceiling and wondered why she always did that, made everyone hate her i do not belong with them i am so invisible really, she just wanted to see if anybody would notice really, she just wanted to see how far it could get could she slip away completely? she always hated coming back nobody ever asked why or what happened they just accepted and that repulsed her i am so strange and lonely, she thought she slept a dreamless wonder about how the world would someday change and everyone would smile and then she could perhaps stand to stay in her skin

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