• i want to write something so beautiful it will literally take all the poison and weakness out of my bloodstream and negate it, change it, into something pure i want people to smile and shake and feel alive and loved and apprecaite all the good moments and the memories and say thank you, just thank you for this unforgettable ride i hate feeling so trapped and worthless inside, at the heart center, i envision the faintest traces of light if i wanted, and i mean really truly fully wanted, i could be an incredible person i need to get motivated stop with the excuses stop with the pity there is a girl who died and i made her a promise that i haven't been keeping i swore i wouldnt cry anymore about my own life because this is a world where seventeen year old girls can die doing nothing wrong and the only way i can think of to counteract something so fucked is to smile to have good energy and light and to help others see it i am rainbow trapped inside a canyon there is so much of me that wishes to give and love and change but its all blocked out by the parts that are afraid i am not sure i can handle so much empathy i dont want to hurt and wasting time alone the way i do makes me safe because without other people there's nothing dark and unfamiliar to deal with but i feel so deflated i am better than this there is no me, as a seperate entity there is only the human condition time to melt into a collective consciousness enough with the i enought with bruises smile until our cheeks hurt laugh until we're convinced the sadness was a dream this is what it is to be alive in america in the 21st century and everyday we're making history believebelievebelive change is hard but its definitely possibly so here i go ready to try

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