• Ive been loving Rihannas album latley. The songs have been growing on me..and her newest track "only girl" has me hooked. So waiting to dance hard to this one...its got "big speakers" written all over it. today, was a day from hell at work. My boss is a lunatic. Damn..she was SPUN today..and I feel like the only one grounded in that office. I wont get into details about something, but she FUCKED up this morning..and instead of saying "sorry" she made a snide remark to me. FUCK ME...not nowadays. This is the new MICHELLE. This is the "wont take anymore shit" me. I walked towards her and just below a threat said "who do you think your talking too??? You DONT talk to me that way" Her eyes went 10 feet wide. She knew she pushed me ..and I ALWAYS back down and take her shit. Not today. Not in my mood. She said "well, sorry..I should have told you.." I said "YEAH...you SHOULD HAVE" I sat down..and your damn right, I threw on the radio and ignored her constant pleas from her office of "michelle,..can you come and do this for me, or help me with this". Shes a idiot. Over paid, under qualified idiot. Im pissed. Im tired of walking in there, to help her open her outlook calendar into "one day" view, or add a line in an excel document. I mean...DAMN WOMAN...go take some computer courses. After lunch, I calmed down. Then our office printer had more issues..so in walks the IT guy to fix it. Not any IT guy..Its they guy who was slick and made flirty comments last time and called me 2 times. Not today Buddy. Not today. I packed up my shit..and said..you can have my terminal..Ive got payroll to do, I will do it upstairs. I hid myself in that office, with the other boss that I like..and submerged myself into payroll. it would have been so EASY..so SIMPLE. nope, She had to be playing a QUEEN CD. Fuck me Have I got "torture" till she goes mental on my forehead? Great...do I try and work..and listen to Queen..and NOT try to think of David? Do I head back down to my crazy LOUD boss, and Mr.flirty flirty? Nope, Better to stay upstairs, and tune out Queen. I did so somewhat successfully. I went shopping after work. I noticed something about half way threw my shop. 1) I hadnt thought of David. Normally, shopping reminds me of him. The meals I would prepare for him. The food/fruits and veggies I would buy for him. I even for a while there, was talking to him while I shopped. (oh yeah...Im certifiable) 2) I walked by the Arizona Cans...and I didnt want to dismantle it..and scream "fuck fuck fuck". huh....healing? Or just a good day? Time will tell. Perhaps I took a baby step in healing. In the bread section, I had a man smile at me. I stood there, and turned to my left and right. Was it me? or someone eles? Nope..I was alone in that area. He wasnt ANY thing, I would consider. NOR am I ready for that...but..still I felt my face flush..and I walked to the opposite side of the store..and shopped in reverse. I mean...Im like a horse with blinders (blinkers) on...I just DONT notice this shit. I stopped looking at men, years ago. That, and the combined FUCK OFF on my forehead makes me very unattractive to men. If they do notice, I just fail to notice. Anyways, I finished my shopping, picked up my daughter, unloaded the truck..put the groceries away..made dinner, and cleaned the kitchen. Im bushed......totally tired. Now its time for homework. Can you believe its the 3rd day of school..and she gets homework? anyway...I suppose I should go to the kitchen table and tackle it. I thought of David today. In a good way...and a bad way. Its not like, because Im pissed off at his silence, or his decision..that I wish a building would fall on his head. No...I get angry. I see red...but anyone who really really knew me, Knew my HEART..would know there are feelings/passion behind that anger. Another "aaa huh" moment. All those emails, that were "Strongly worded" or "angry" Did he not see threw all the words..and see the passion behind those feelings? If I didnt CARE so bloody much..why get so passionate? We may have not seen eye to eye on everything...but it didnt mean, I didnt care about his point of view. Didnt he ever realize, that in a day or 2 I sort myself "out". And then saw the "light". He had to have seen a pattern. He must have known. that man knew me to my core. well, at least I think he did. He might argue different. Not a day passes, where something in the US news happens..and I dont want to talk to him about it. Just to Talk and get his Opinon. (like rebuilding on Ground Zero) I was always ALWAYS facinated on his take on religion and politics..and wanted a "father figure" of sorts in that regard. I knew he could teach me, what I did not know. Well, what I learned or followed wrong. He was a gentle persauder. Not rash or brash. I stopped watching Paster Haggee because he talked sence into me. I stopped alot of things...that I was just blindly "going along with" due to his influence, to investigate things deeper, and not take them at face value. He was influencial. Very influencial. I suppose I will find a man in the future, that will match him...I dunno. I dont want a relationship now. God..I have NO HEART to give anyone. Im so broken and shattered...Its amazing Im still alive. Anyways, Time to get going...... Songs listened to tonight: Only girl (in the world) Hard ft. Jezzy (heavy synths...and I love her attitude) Stupid In love Russian Roulette (sad and so sexy...) Rude Boy ( just so much attitude and sex in this song I cant wait to sing it to a future lover ) Te amo Cold Case Love ( some of the lyrics hit home so hard) "I'm torn apart and numb What you did to me was a crime Your love was breaking the law But I needed a witness So pick me up when it's over It don't make any difference Will it ever be solved Or am I taking the fall"

• No Comments

Log in now to tell us what you think this song means.

Don’t have an account? Create an account with SongMeanings to post comments, submit lyrics, and more. It’s super easy, we promise!