Fuck this.
Fuck what Im doing to myself.
Over him
Over what? A man, who no longer feels jack shit for me?
HES NO LONGER WORTHY of my pain.
HES NO LONGER WORTHY of my tears.
HES NO LONGER WORTHY of my attention.
HES NO LONGER WORTHY of my heart.
Fuck him.
Fuck this pain..all these bloody tears over him
while he what???
God knows what the fuck he is doing.
More than likley chattin up other women on the net..and thats the least of it( Dont get me started...)
More than likley hitten up on women in fast food joints.
More than likely throwing on that amazing Arizona smile, and picking up women left right and center.
I can tell you, Im a fucking afterthought.
An after burn..in his memory.
Fuck him
I can DO BETTER than him
I know I can.
Fuck him...and all his "said it all now" and his "I have nothing more to say"
well is that so?
well..Maybe I did.
Fuck him...my words and thoughts and love..mean NOTHING to him
Even my begging to come see him............meant NOTHING to him
Fuck him
you know what?
I woke up and looked myself in the mirror and said what I havent said in years to myself "your pretty, smart, dedicated and make good money..I have plenty what any good man would want"
I refuse to now live in the past.
I refuse now to wait. Fuck waiting...pateince... Ive waited 7 months...
7 months too long if I reflect on it.
I should have dealt with my feelings, and all my inner "love" and shelved it..and healed.
So, now I am.
healing and MOVING ON. Nothing is going to stop me.
NOTHING
I talked tonight on the phone with my BF for over 1 hour..her and I...are on this same "track" people call love gone wrong.
So...we decided.
No more crying
No more whining. (unless its on a dance floor)
Fuck men (yea..Im a little sour)
Im going to use them...like SOME of them have used me.
Fun. Have fun. Why not?
I fucking deserve it. Fun...a smile..is something I ive deprived myself now..for way to fucking long.
Holding "out".
Not now
Im going to get back into my life. Working out...afterwork, hit the eliptical and start getting fit. Start going out more with the girls..and dance my fucking ass off. Damn straight, the "fuck off" sign I used to wear on my forehead ...has officially COME DOWN.
Why the fuck was I dreaming that it made a difference to him anyway?
Delusional.
I was so bloody delusional.
UHHHHHHHHHGHGGGG I was so STUPID.
Fuck me for thinking, my actions made a difference.
Its the official shelving of my love affair called "David".
huh...
woke up on the other side of the bed
- September 07, 2010
- mickey606
- No Comments
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