• he ruined everything i had all the words stretched out for hours the pieces so connected all brought together i had it and he raped it went inside and gauged out the guts and intestines with a knife i had a life inside of there you know i had a belief of happy so now i have to start over new name new words i meet people and i forget replacing everything one name at a time i stay awake for absolutely no reason just to say i can i guess just to experience i have come to a point in my life where i actually have a philosophy practice at believing in nothing has made me smile i know i do not matter i like to watch myself bend into the shapes of other people's needs it makes me feel strong to be used because i just feel so fucking aware of everything going wrong drugs have faded into an afterthought its not as fun when its so easy theres just too much opportunity so i let some pass me by in a way that i never would have before this is what it means to be 18 and free this is what it is to feel alive i am now allowed to kiss strangers and laugh in rooms of the silent i feel tiny and liberated i need to be writing more this is my new life and i want to mark a beginning

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