• His house was packed. Laughter rang from all his walls. I threw on my smile...and tried to mingle as best I could. My mom saw threw me. She saw right threw me. She walked right up to me..and whispered in my ear "did David write you back or call you yet???" I looked at her, and tears welled up in my ears..as I muttered "no ma...and he isnt.....dont get me started, I dont want to get myself upset" She responded "you know a simple answer back wouldnt kill him..now hes just being rude" "mom...lets drop it...Im trying to move on." "okay okay...but jezz...". I walked away and sat beside my brother and his girlfriend. I poured a still rum and coke...and thought about David was going to meet my family this October. he was supposed to become one of "the family" this "scene...I was sitting in". he was supposed to exsperience my family, my christmas..and the fact we both think its a marketing holiday, and has little to do with Jesus. Try and find another women who also thinks that way David. Try. (huh) I sipped my drink..and found comfort in my liquid hammer. It helped my legs not hurt so much. His house was full this afternoon. I knew all of them. Friends and family...all is welcome. Later on ..after dinner, as Im cleaning up...one of dads friends walked in. It was Steve. I know him well...hes a guitar player. Steve had someone with him.. He was being introduced to the family. When I heard "this is bobs daughter Michelle" I turned around to shake his hand. He was my age, if not in his early 40's..glasses, balding..with a soft friendly face. He was dressed neatly..and spoke softly. He shook my hand and said "wow...you had me at hello...look at your eyes..are you wearing contacts?" I pulled my hand away. I felt my face get hot...I havent been commented on my eyes for a while. I used to get alot. I got it alot as a teenager, and young adult. I mean, I used to model mascara and contacts for avon. I have long eye lashes..and green eyes. light green...and some days...they are so light green...they almost look like clear glass. I smiled and turned away..feeling akward. He didnt walk away. He stood by the fridge..and chatted with me, about how he knew my dad. Hes a vet tech with the horses. Grace walked in..and immediatley..he said "she has to be your daughter..she looks just like you..my god look at her eyes!" She turned and did a 360 turn. It doesnt take much for her to get shy. She ran. We chuckled. He has 2 young boys aged 6 and 8 and and ex wife. Im thinking why is he telling me all this? I just smiled, as I washed dishes. I mean..hello I look like shit. My hair is in a pony tail. Im wearing grey sweat pants, and a white shirt (with a new ketchup stain on it now)..no make up..no perfume...and Ive got a puffy face from the night before. I look like SHIT. But...hes standing there chatting me up. huh Im thinking "do I have "easy lay" on the back of me or something?" He lights up a ciggarette. ewwwwww.....like so ewwwwwww.. I hate smokers then he is telling me about his ex wife. Trying to be funny...telling me jokes about her. Im thinking "umm....thats not really nice to her". Shes a bi sexual. oh yeah...hes telling me this...hes into bysexual women. Im thinking "TOO MUCH INFORMATION"...like hello..I dont know you. Now Im getting creeped out. This guy is just way to OPEN and freaking me out now. I finish out..and there is about 14 of us on dads porch. Steve pulls out his guitar. Immediatley..I think of DAVID. Its the same type of guitar has. Oh man...I dont know If I can sit here and listen to this. Steve starts playing "American Pie" the long version. You know...the 8 minute version. I know it. I learned it in grade 12. its an amazing song...a classic. Steve is singing..and we all join in on the chorus..then its only me and steve for the next 6 minutes. Just him and I. Creepo is standing there, staring at me.. thank god DAD notices. When the song ends...he cracks a joke and tells Ryan to sing and stop "staring at my daughter". Ryan is embarrassed. "look at her eyes man...she has the most amazing eyes". Dad gets up..and walks by him. I dont know what dad said..but Ryan left the room with him. thats fine with me. Very fine by me. "california dreaming" was the next song to be sung...oh how I love the mamas and the papas followed by "Desperado" .I just sat and listened to that song. The lyrics hit my heart hard. I could feel tears starting. Damn. Damn it David. Your in my heart. After that steve said "any requests?" I shouted "GEORGE MICHAEL" Faith started up..the guys danced around like ultra gay men...and us women laughed. It was funny.He played it pretty good..but way to low in key. we finished with "Hotel California" and "take it easy" I know every word in those songs too..all of us sang and swayed...oh man, what a great jam session tonight has turned out to be. I needed it. I needed to be at dads tonight. I needed to feel his hug around me..as he whispered "your always going to my little girl" He agreed to get his tests. I was right. Grace broke him. He hung around Grace alot tonight. It was a good night. I needed that compliment..as creepy as he was.Cute guy..but weird and creepy. and anyway..IM SO NOT looking. NO...not now. Like Hello...Im still in love with a man who has forgotten I exisist. I needed to sing. I havent sung since David. I sang him Lady A's "need you now". I wonder if he even remembers that. I wonder if he kept my recordings I sent him. I needed to see my mother and father. I needed my family around me. I needed to sing..I needed music.

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