• So much today has happened. So much, I have to say. Will I remember it all? Im a woman..of course I will. 1. My best friend is moving beside me. YES. I mean, hello...she came intoday with her money in hand, and a credit cheque..and my this evening she recieved a call. Ive recieved 5 emails of "oh my god..can you get over this? we can play knock knock!". I am totally estatic. I love this woman. Ive been a friend of hers for many years. I feel terrible that her relationship with her boyfriend fell apart. He SO doesnt know what hes going to be missing. Man..what a shame. But, I listen. I try to not comment that much. I look forward to her and I walking our dogs together. Finally someone to accompany me, on those late night walks! Thats just the tip of the ice burg. Her and I love to dance..and we have gone out in the past and currently (like tommorow) we will hook up once more. Her and I are currently in the same "head space" at the moment. God..she is SO much stronger than me. So much. But..she talked to me this afternoon. Boy...did she give me proper shit. Proper hell. But thats later. I cant wait for her and I to "decorate" she has such flare for that stuff. Im not "bad"..but she is so talented, she could have her own decorating show. Let me tell you..Im using her talents. Im so excited about her move. I just want things to go smooth for her. Shes telling her man tonight she is leaving him. OOOOOOOOOOOHHHH BOYYYYYYYYYY thats not going to be good. So, I told her Im going to pray for her. I dont know how she pulls it off. shes so strong..and beautiful. God..for a woman in her 30's shes still as flawless, as when I met her in my 20's. When we are together..we are a team to be dealt with. We play off each other..and laugh. Oh god..do we laugh. Dance...hell ya, Im a little more well, "practiced". (im not being stuck up here..its all my years on a dance floor) she sways to the left and right. But, her and those bedroom eyes...and the men flock and gravitate. I love her because,, she is excellent for quiet nights at home with a cuppa. I lover her, when we go to the club and let our hair down. Perhaps the lord sent me here for a reason. Support to get over David. Im thinking...nothing happens without a reason. She didnt just "plop" on my lap...next door. Noooo this has to be divine intervention. 2) I had 2 people give me some solid advice today. Once I told her I called him..and left a message..she FREAKED. Well, I got told off for a while, I dont even think she took a break to breathe. I have too walk away from David. I hate it when people give me advice my relationships..have I said that before? I mean, I get defensive...at FIRST when I hear what they have to say. THEN..moments later..It sinks in..and I totally get it. Totally get it. Shes right. Im not playing "this" right. There comes a point..when you have to accept the other persons decision and call it quits. I told her "i know I know" but Im so fucking weak...when it comes to him. She told me "the fight is over, and he has left the ring..and the people are gone...call it quits". Well...It hit me. Shes right. Shes DAMN right. She asked me, are you coming to the club tommorow? Ive been throwing the idea up and down. Always leaning more to a "no" She wasnt going to stand for it. "look girl...we are going to get a manicure and a pedicure tommorow..Im straighening your hair..your putting on your black stappy sandles and black dress..and your letting loose". Fuck it. Shes right. There are 8 of us girls going. Im single. He isnt writing me, he isnt calling me, he isnt answering his phone. Fuck it. What the hell am I doing by staying home and crying the blues night after night? Am I trying to please him...by not going out? Is that so? Well, If I was with him..I wouldnt go out. (said I would change) BUT seeing how David is gone...what the hell..am I doing? He just doesnt CARE what I do. I think the care from him, has gone to indiffererence. Or he has forgotten me. So...why not pull out a new set of cards,..and do the same. Im going to go in that club...order some drinks, and dance my fucking ass off. I want to hear some deep R & B , House, Reggae, and some old skool..both hip hop and house would do great. Thank god most of us women like that music. I hate staying in the pop room all the time. I cant dance to britney spears...I mean..I dunno. But, as Long as I hear USHERS new song.."Dj got us falling in love" and some Jamoroqui I will be a happy camper. Fuck it. Im done with all "this" These tears...stop. Stop now. This is bullshit. Im crying over a man, who just doesnt care. I mean..I was going to come and see him..and I couldnt get an answer from him. It must have been a bigger deal to him, than to me. Its not like I was going to go there and demand sex for the love of god. (I wont lie..if he wanted it..I wasnt going to say no) But whatever. whatever. Time to step into reality. I also got some amazing help/ support from a stranger, who reached out his hand threw a PM on here..and I thank him for that. He may be younger...ok much younger (Im a cougar to this young buck) But..he is older in his mind and matters of the heart. Part of our conversation was about not to hang around in the past. I dont want to go into to much detail about our conversation..in respect for his privacy, as well..as Ive learned that some things are better just left unsaid all over net. Speaking of that...I bet you if David is reading this dribble. IF IF IF he is. I mean...lets be honest...Im not that interesting, and very boring..so why would he even bother check up on this nonsense..it would anger him. He was a person...whom Ive only encountered 1 other time. David hates it when I talk to others about my relationship with him. Girlfriends..and family are ok. I think..they are ok. But, no men. God, not any man. Not a friend..or someone, who reaches out his hand..and says "lets talk". I mean, SNAP CRACKLE and POP this man HATES that. I didnt know what the big deal was. I mean...oh well, I suppose its on the premis of a few things, one being that if they meet that person..they would like to save face? I dunno...I dont understand men on the best of days. Men...if you want to talk about your relationship with your girl...with another girl..I dont think the majority of us care..as long as you are not attracted to or fucking her. Because, that could be seen as "Ill open up and be vulnerable..and her and I can talk". men are sly.Men are not stupid. I believe, they know how to play women. I believe they know what works and what doesnt work. I dunno. What the hell do I know about men and relationships? Im no exspert. I dont get the reasoning. I try..but I dont do well. I took an hour tonight..and said..Im going to the gym. I had tons of pent energy. I threw on my sweats and headed over to century Gardens with my ipod..plugged it in the machine, and listened to Ten city "thats the way love is" then reggae mixes.. Sean Paul..and Usher. 20 minutes went by on that eliptical. I thought about David. All that anger. All that pain. All that hurt...I pushed it to my legs..and they pushed harder. I felt like I was stepping down on all those feelings. I was stomping on them...like I did that day in the pathway. I must have looked like an idiot on that machine..but I didnt care. I was so focused on my feelings of David..and all my fucked up feelings of him leaving me, the building could have fallen down around me, I wouldnt have noticed. My legs were jello..I could hardly walk..and I was slick with sweat. I sat in my truck..and said "thats it...your not going on this way anymore..leave him alone. If he wants to reach you,..he knows how". So..I cried. I allowed myself one more cry. after that I said "show your british". Damn dad was RIGHT. There is a reason for that statement. If I didnt follow it..I would be a mess every single of the day. As I drove home..I told myself.."you cant act like this anymore..you need to turn the page write "THE END" and shelve the fucking book.." Wow..what a way to put it. Im exhausted. Thanks to all who read my dribble. Thanks to the few that PM with their thoughts and prayers for me. Its nice to know Im NOT alone in all this pain. I know it wont kill me, but somedays..I feel like it does. Music listened to while writing this blogg tonight: Usher - Music got us falling in love again Beenie Man Sim Sima Beenie Man Romie Lady G Ease Off Breeze Off Fugees ready or not Ralgh Rosario You used to hold me. Voodoo Ray Guy called gerald Raze Break for love...like 3 times. Frankie Knuckles Tears............I listened to this 3 times too

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