• i cannot believe what i have just heard. just a few days ago my mother forbid me to chat with peeps on here. now she's saying that she trusts the way that she's brought me up and that any advice that anyone gives me here is not going to take me down the wrong path. not that anyone's given me any bad influence. i want nothing more than for people to be positively influenced by what i have to say. gosh i was such a loser writing that "down in a hole" journal back then. i didn't want that entry to be ground-breaking or anything, but some of the stuff i said was way over the top and could've upset some people. i've gotta lighten up. but the conversation i've just had with mum has helped me do that. she's now okay with me being on here when it was the exact opposite just less than a week ago. i totally didn't see it coming. a girl who i often chat with (when i'm not working my butt off) was talking about how it feels to be bipolar. now i know what she means. i've gone from feeling locked away to being full of confidence in the bat of an eyelid. mum and i talked about how sometimes in winter (especially down here near Melbourne, Australia) people get depressed because they don't go out much and be with other people. she said that teenagers are the worst affected, which is true. me and my two brothers have been working flat out over the last 2-3 years that we haven't had the chance to do things that we wanted to do together like we used to. which is probably why i've had the feeling of not seeing light at the end of the tunnel. no wonder that girl said that winter yields some great poetry :) but mum said that no one is ever lonely for life. i reassured that girl that this was true, but personally i never really convinced MYSELF. but it IS true, and i'm writing all this down because i want other people to know that "there is a light that never goes out (the smiths)" and that someday we'll all reach it. who knows, maybe once i finally find that light, i'll write some songs that aren't so depressing and sinister. read this journal from the start up to this point and you'd have to say that it's been a rollercoaster ride that has so far only elapsed a couple of weeks. what's next? well, i'll just have to strap myself in tight and have a barf bag at the ready just in case XD this day may well be life-changing for me because it's the first time in my life that i've ever heard my mother actually accept me doing this kind of activity. i'm glad to say that we juat may well be able to talk as long as we like :D :D :D :D (apart from the work commitments of course :/)

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