• today is the first day i didnt cry in the longest time i can remember i still thought about mellissa, but it was different i think what i wrote last night helped stop the bleeding i was able to focus, to remember the goal this is a life and i am only borrowing it for a time i am going to do my best to make it right matt is still mourning and the disconnect is so evident i am living, he is having such trouble breathing i cant tell if he wants me to help or keep my distance so once again i am like a strange bright cloud floating on the horizon there is a new boy and he also claims to care i am allowing him to take me into his life for now i am leaving in 10 days nothing in this town seems to matter he kissed me and i did not want it but i did not back away what i want is matt, the way we used to be but i cant have that and any sort of closeness is better than nothing this is me learning to settle sorry mom, sorry, god, sorry matt im so tired maybe ill do better tomorow

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