• The confusion of modern life, sitting in my living room, the television providing the only light of the space, besides the faint white light that glows through the curtains that cover the wide windows. It's alright, I know. There's nowhere else I should be, only right here. I am expected nowhere, I am as good as a ghost. Truly I get lonely often. There is no one I have. I have my family, and I love them, but my friends are out and about, and the things they do are no longer the things I want to be doing. So I stay away from my friends. I have a new job, and it is a good release. First retail job. Good to work with customers again. But on days off, there is nothing. Sit on the couch, weave a hemp bracelet, let the light drain from my situation. Turn the TV off. Now there is darkness and silence, and my dog dozes on the floor. Strange, however, the peace that comes from typing. Just to write the words makes me feel like I am making something. One wish would be that the words held more meaning than just the sheer confession that they are. A confession inspires no one. A confession is the equivalent of a leak taken into the toilet of the internet, so to speak. Just emptying the bladder of my mind. How funny that I compare thoughts to excrement. Even the most brilliant thoughts were just that. Call it beautiful piss. My mother is working down the street at the wine bar where I sometimes play guitar and sing old songs for tips. Man, how I wish I could meet someone new. Just one new friend. A girl would be great. A girl that plays guitar and cries and sings. With love in her eyes and flowers in her hair. Those do exist don't they? It is nice to be sad sometimes. Sadness is underrated. Was perusing the web last night, found a page about the meaning of the word sad. Said that it orignally came from a word that meant full, or satisfied. Even said that sad and satisfied come from the same root. Truly that's how it feels. I am presently full of life, like I have had enough just for now. I have just eaten a wonderous meal, in the form of a beautiful relationship that lasted just shy of seven months. And now, my plate is clean, and there is nothing left for me at this table. I am sad. She is gone, and I am gone from her. I even know that it is right that we are apart. It did not work. I could have lied and stayed, but it would have been wrong. It would have been prolonging the inevitable, so to speak. A beautiful girl, she taught me to weave the hemp. But she treated me like a puppy dog, and I treated her like a play toy, and an everlasting treat. I had to finish it. It had to come to rest. And now, as when all chapters of life come to their end, there is that certain amount of white space beneathe the final sentence that your eyes briefly pass over, before turning, and beginning the next page. This is that white space. I am about to begin a new chapter in my life. It is exciting, truly. My first semester of college quickly approaches, I am excited to be in a school atmosphere again. Excited for all the new people that I will meet and get to know. Also my job just started, Hot Topic in the Park Meadows Mall. I enjoy it, the other employees, all of the customers, the music, just the essence of that place is good. Promising is the word. Although the style of the store, it reminds me of my old girl, I feel those feelings shall soonly pass, and fade away. Ahh, and there is the sadness again. As I stand in between these two places of life, on my left the old, to my right the new, I am just saddened to think that I must leave one behind to move on to the next. Onward and Upward, my younger brother says. He is right. His wisdom surprises and elates me. He makes me laugh. I picture life as the stream that runs steadily past me. It weaves around me and trickles by me. Every once in awhile, a beautiful thing floats my way, and I catch it. I pick it up with my hands, and I love the thing. I hold it so close to me. I tell it that I will never let it go, for truly, it is my desire to hold it forever. This is how much I love the thing, it beckons me to think of infinity and perfection. Mariah was the thing. And for awhile, all is perfection and infinity. Time is nothing, and everything is fine. But then, however, the water changes. The current begins to quicken. I realize that I need both of my hands to swim, or both of my arms to stay balanced. I realize I must let go of the thing that I love so much. And though I never want to, it has happened to me thrice before, and I know the drill, so to speak. I did what I knew I must do. I set it free. I let the thing continue on its way, I let it drift away from me, right on by, right on through, right past me, and there it went, tumbling along the stream until she vanished around a bend. And now here I am, alone, but with both of my arms, with both of my hands free! It is a conflicting feeling. I know that it is how it should be, yet I remember what it was, and I am sad. How I wish it could still be as it was! But it cannot, and that is that. And so I do my best to forget of the feelings, I look forward to what may come. These are the points where hope and faith come in handy. And now the room is devoid of light. I am in complete, encompassing darkness, save for the light pouring from the computer screen before me. the computer is all I see. But my spirit is higher than it was when I began this poem, I'll call it. Writing it down makes you realize that it's not so bad. It's just nice. this is my beautiful piss.

• No Comments

Log in now to tell us what you think this song means.

Don’t have an account? Create an account with SongMeanings to post comments, submit lyrics, and more. It’s super easy, we promise!